SUNFLOWER

How are you getting along? I'm fine.
Around this time of the year, I write to close friends offering best wishes for the hot season. For some reason, I can't help but think of similar things at the same season every year, so I have to think hard about what to write on a postcard, even if it is only a short sentence. But thinking so deeply makes me confused, and I find it difficult to write to the person in an open and honest way.

I have several pen pals whom I've chosen for reasons of my own. Their ages range widely from those in their thirties (about my age) to their seventies. Though there are age differences, there is always some specific message that I want to communicate to each person.

If I compare them to drinks, it is different for each person: a cup of green tea, cafe´ au lait, red wine, milk tea, or herb tea. Someone might be found drinking many cups of roasted tea (houji-cha). When I was a junior high school student, I often could not go to school due to my health. I still remember how delighted I was to read letters that my friends sent me in those days, although unfortunately I am no longer still in touch with them. Perhaps just getting through each day is all I could do. The most impressive letter of all those I received is the one that the principal gave me on my graduation. Since I could not attend the ceremony, the letter was equivalent to my graduation certificate, and I still believe that, thanks to that letter, I could take a new step forward. In the letter, he encouraged me with high praise, which seemed more than appropriate to a girl in her teens. I recall that there were some words that I could not read, so I looked them up in a dictionary. Even today I'm trying hard to live up to the lofty ideals alluded to by those words.

"A Cup of Milk Tea"

A flower in a vase is beautiful,
Looking at it, I have a cup of milk tea,
That tastes so good,
Thus passes every day.
Sometimes my mind parts from such a day,
My mind seems to go blank,
But it does not stop functioning,
A new awareness that began awakening,
Is blinking,
It's still too dazzling to come into my clear consciousness.
When my mind surely wakes up,
Peaceful everyday life comes back,
Having a cup of milk tea,
From a flower in a vase,
I hear the flower breathing,
Which I was unaware of before.

Ice cream

How are you? I'm doing fine.
I'm now listening to the music of Enya. I sometimes think it sounds nice and "cool" in summer because it is music from a cold country, and in winter, I prefer to listen to music from a cold country when it is cold. I'm moody indeed.

I'd like to talk about myself again. I am disabled, and the only part that works well is my mouth. Even this mouth is easygoing as well, and when I'm tired out, I become so weak that I don't feel like moving even my mouth. I speak in a low voice by nature and partly because I'm disabled.

Thus when writing, I feel all the more keenly that I'm severely handicapped. This feeling lessens, however, because my helpers take good care of me every day according to my strength at the time. People whom I get to know often ask me questions such as "What would you like to do, if you could do anything you wanted to?" Thinking of an answer, I used to say that I would like to become an artist of picture books, but that would be difficult because I would have to paint pictures every day. I'm no good at cooking and baking cakes. As for writing a diary and letters, one has to write every day to be able to give them a certain shape, but I need the support of helpers to write a diary and letters. If I massaged my parents' shoulders, I would get stiff shoulders myself and be sick in bed.

Every day is the accumulation of each day, and today plays an important part in this accumulation. Therefore, it is difficult for me to imagine how it would be to have a day with the perfect freedom of a healthy body. Today, as well as this body of mine, is more important than anything else.

"Waking"

Soon after I awake,
Everything looks dazzlingly bright to my consciousness.
On the day when the world looks dark,
On the day when I despair wishing I didn't know this,
My consciousness tells me in the end,
I can feel pleasure only when I live and know.
My consciousness begins to look at the world again blinking,
Seeing this world dazzlingly bright…

Everyone's Tree

How are you, everybody? I'm fine.
I held a solo exhibition at a gallery in Ginza in March 2002. That year, spring came earlier than usual and the cherry blossoms bloomed unusually early. I was fond of drawing pictures in my childhood, and soon I wanted to become a picture-book writer. However, I gradually became disabled and it was no longer possible for me to draw pictures. Therefore, to say goodbye to drawing pictures, and also to realize my wish of starting something new, I held a solo exhibition, even though it was only a small one. First, I hesitated to send out invitations because I was afraid of troubling the recipients. But then I took the courage to send invitations to my acquaintances, friends, and those to whom I feel indebted. Unexpectedly, many of my classmates came, and it was like a small reunion. I was pleased to see one of my classmates, who used to be naughty as a child but is now a nice young man, come to see me with his lovely new wife.
In this exhibition was a picture entitled "Everyone's Tree," and to my surprise, my classmates chanted in unison, "That's-------'s tree," when they saw the picture. In those days, a close friend fell from a fragrant-olive tree (kinmokusei) as her hand slipped off a branch that had been pruned. The teachers who knew what had happened said the same thing when they saw "Everyone's Tree." Yet I wasn't thinking of that accident when I drew the picture.
I received a letter from my friend who is learning the flamenco guitar in Seville, Spain. In the letter, he wrote, "I recalled the elementary school days after a long time." I'm pleased to have drawn a picture that reminded my friends of their childhood although that was not my original intention. Now I'm unable to draw pictures, but I'm happy that I used to be able to do so. A lot of flowers arrived at the gallery during my exhibition as if they were encouraging me in the past and in the future. I also received boxes of candies and tea, so my exhibition turned out to be a "tasty" one! Since I held the solo exhibition, I see another "me" who is patting me on the back and asking if I'm really trying to find out what I'm still able to do. I owe this to everyone who came to see my exhibition. Thank you very much indeed.

"Happiness"

Outside the window,
The leaves are chatting with the wind,
Rustles and rustles, I hear.

Stars in the night sky,
Twinkle, twinkle,
They shine and are dreaming.

Before falling asleep at night,
I feel I had a good time today.

Before closing my eyes,
I believe I'll be even happier tomorrow,
Thus, happy days will last.