Canon global

These are my self-portraits

-The title, “dappigara,” which means exuvia, is a strange word. What does it express?

If I had to use words to express the work's theme, it would be "maturity." I have always tended to conform to others, and this has been a complex of mine. I always compared myself to others, let external influences abuse me, and changed my opinions very easily. I've always tried to control my true feelings, and felt like I didn't own my true self. Of course, the ability to be cooperative may be important in life, and sometimes you may be acknowledged for being able to hold yourself back like that. And, maybe, learning to hold yourself back and conform to your surroundings can be considered maturity.

In that case, the exuvia that I've repeatedly shed and discarded on my way to maturity can be considered as pieces of myself. That was my conclusion. The exuvia I discarded still remain in my mind. So I decided to turn these exuvia into photographs. Hence these are really my self-portraits. I didn't take photos of myself, but these are undoubtedly my self-portraits. Because I've always tried to conform to others, and never really had a sense of who I am, taking photos of myself would never be valid self-portraits. I decided taking photos of the exuvia in my mind would work better instead.

-Where did you take the photographs? And what are the subject matters of your photographs?

I took the photographs at my grandmother's house and my own house. I took a lot of photos of clothes, like my grandfather's old pajamas or my mother's dress. I photographed clothes because they are literally exuvia. I also photographed stuffed birds, empty beds and mirrors, and all of them are empty or fake and connect to my own "exuvia."

-You mixed color and monochrome photography, and you used a variety of techniques like re-photographing photocopies of photographs.

Yes. I usually take color photographs, but for these pieces I really wanted to use monochrome photography. When I try to revive my memories I usually can't do it well. I can't get a vivid image in my mind. They are usually fragments, distortions or parts of the whole. Sometimes they are only smells or a certain temperature. I thought monochrome and photocopies would be perfect for expressing this incompleteness.

In some cases I took monochrome photocopies of a photograph, then re-photographed the photocopy. After going through this process it can be distinctly different from the original. Monochrome photocopying scrapes something away, and it will have a rough, "crude" feel to it.

This is similar to a certain type of memory in my mind. In other cases I photocopied a photograph and crumpled it, then smoothed it out again and re-photographed it. I thought this would express how my memories have been distorted or how they've lost their vividness. Also, there was one where I tore about half of the photocopy; this was to express how thought can control my feebleness and even my memories.

I want to discipline my work as well as my own speech and conduct

-When did you begin photography?

When I entered a photography school. Because I am from a generation that is familiar with photographs and cameras, I began to be somewhat interested in photography from high school. But I didn't really understand the functions of even simple cameras. When I did start to learn full-scale, it was really fun and I found it to be suited to me. The appeal of photography is in the ability to raise questions to yourself, during the process of creating photographs. If I didn't take photographs, I would have no occasion to ask myself questions, so it is a really valuable opportunity for me. And sometimes when I ask myself a question, I can find an answer through creating photography. I think I was able to find some sort of answer with my work in "dappigara."

-And by asking yourself questions, you were able to receive the Grand Prize. Did you expect you would win?

I had not expected being chosen in the least. I was utterly surprised. I was thinking that, in any case, I would definitely not get the Grand Prize, so I had even prepared my next year's work schedule way before the results were announced. I was nothing but surprised when my name was called out as the Grand Prize winner. But after a little while, I began to feel the responsibility to work hard. I am absolutely grateful for being given this opportunity to show my work. This also means I will be able to do a solo exhibition after a year, and I am very happy that I'll have another chance to show my work. As I reflect on how fortunate I am, my conviction to continue with my work, to never stop expressing things, is becoming stronger. I already have several ideas regarding what theme I want to pursue now, such as "subjectivity," "the sense of time," "freedom and restraint," "to live," etc. I want to take these ideas in my head and give them a concrete form. I will have to apply discipline to not only my work, but to myself as well. I intend to be more responsible with my speech and conduct from now on.